I’ve talked to many individuals that have, themselves, been turned off by a church or have family or friends that were burned by a church experience. Many, if not all of these times it has to do with human error. One aspect that I will not discuss in this article is that, sometimes, the recipient of a message (i.e. the one that is turned off) receive the message improperly. This commentary relates to the times that the fault mainly lies with the sender of the message(s).
At its base, the point herein is that what God designed (the church) is good and something that helps encourage us. We don’t always practice it to that end. The three main aspects that I would like to address are 1) the problem of hypocrisy 2) the problem of institutionalism and 3) the problem of the Pharisee. Keep in mind throughout this discussion that I generalize. I know there are myriad exceptions.
Hypocrisy
We as humans, have some basic needs. Two that relate to this topic are one, for people to acknowledge our existence, and two, for people to like and appreciate us. In trying to meet those needs for ourselves (which is the wrong approach), we try to hide our faults and look perfect to others. Being Christian and teaching or preaching to others, we say things like, “You shouldn’t lie to people.” Add to that the fact that we are imperfect and sometimes we lie. Right there, you have the formula for a hypocrite – someone that does what he or she tells others not to do.
To remedy this we must bring in the component of confession. Consider if someone said, “You shouldn’t lie to people. Now, let me tell you. I struggle with lying and I try not to. With God’s help I’ll get better at being honest.” Now, if someone heard that message and then saw the individual lie a week later, they are not going to point a finger and pronounce them a hypocrite.
Institutionalism
Many people talk about and complain that the church is (pick your adjective) too formal, too traditional, too inflexible, too legalistic, too religious, too ‘not the way I want it’. Often, when I hear these complaints, people will reference good experiences they have had in a more intimate setting than during a Sunday morning worship service (i.e. small group, prayer group, a service club in college, etc.) basically saying that it was like Acts 2:44ff. “We were really in each other’s lives and served others, etc… Now THAT was church!”
It dawned on me one day that much of this phenomenon comes down to a matter of size. This so-called “problem” was actually the nature of the beast. The interactions and emotional connectedness we so deeply desire are best manifested in a small, informal setting. If your idea of church is something you do four times a month or on holidays that you check off of your to do list or as part of your penance to be in God’s good graces, then forget about experiencing Acts 2:44ff.
I had a professor in my master’s program tell us about a study with some startling figures. The essence of the study results were that out of all the people attending church, about 10% of those ever did things with other church members out side of the formal church/worship setting. Out of that, about 10% of those ever did anything with other members away from the church building. From that pool, only 10% ever discussed things related to their Christian life in those settings. How sad that so many have not tapped into such a powerful and blessed part of life – what God designed for us to be lifted up and encouraged.
Let’s get back to the idea of size and the style of interaction between people. The level of formality is directly proportional to the size of the gathering. It’s not appropriate for someone to use a lapel microphone and a 10,000-watt sound system, standing on a stage, and using PowerPoint with spot lights when there four people in the audience. Conversely, there are more appropriate times for someone to spill their detailed guts about the problem they’ve been having with pornography than in an auditorium of 300+ men, women, & children. Don’t get me wrong; I am not opposed to public confession and do not mean to condemn it. As a side note, when someone gets up Sunday morning during the invitation and says, “I’ve sinned,” my reaction is, “Of course! I could have told you that. We all sin. Tell me something new.” In my life, I’ve found the most powerful confession to be in a regularly occurring, purposeful, small, intimate setting with specific confessions. For instance, “I got upset with my wife last Thursday because she wouldn’t listen right when I wanted and I told her she was selfish. Now I see that I was being selfish.” Vs “I’m a sinner.”
Again, getting back on track: much of the complaining I’ve heard describes what occurs in the formal worship on Sunday morning (including the 10 minutes before and after). “People are so fake. You ask how they’re doing and they say, ‘fine’ and act like the perfect little Christians and like they don’t have problems.” Or, “People ask you how you are and don’t really care. They just walk off.” Like I stated earlier, it’s about what is appropriate. “How are you?” on a Sunday morning two minutes before church starts is actually another form of “Hello.” If you want to remedy the problem, understand that, don’t get offended, and only ask “How are you” to others when you want to know and when they have time to answer. Put your hand on their shoulder, cock your head to the side and emphasize the “are” in “How are you?” Otherwise, just say, “Hi.”
If you have a problem with how formal, traditional, fake or inflexible the church is, then be different. Ask not what the church can do for you, but what you can do for God and how you can serve others.
Pharisee
A third phenomenon I see people uneasy with is basically the problem of the Pharisee. It seems that we as humans inherently have a difficult time with the concepts of grace and mercy. We can say in our heads that God is forgiving, but I is another thing altogether to feel it in our hearts. Because of this, we try to earn our salvation by guilting ourselves into goodness. We either focus on doing right, not doing wrong, or some of both. That’s not all bad, but truly, all we can do is live and thrive under grace. The wonderful thing about being imperfect is that all we can do is our best. Doing good should be motivated by an appreciation for God’s goodness, not as a means to earn salvation. If we were good enough to earn God’s grace, we wouldn’t need it.
Once we start down the path of focusing on doing right, not doing wrong and earning salvation, we eventually end up putting this burden on others. We create rules and laws that may be inline with scripture, but are not scripture. Thus, we end up with creeds and Pharisees and the belief that you will go to hell if you use instruments in worship. This process can be found in any congregation and any denomination and/or non-denomination and at any point throughout history. Every once in a while, there will be a grand scale wakeup call (e.g. Jesus rebuking the Pharisees, Martin Luther’s Theses, etc.), but then human nature gets back into the picture, because, well…we’re human. Then the cycle starts all over. All we can do to combat this is focus on what God wants (i.e. Glorifying Him; loving him with our heart, soul, mind; loving and serving others; doing justly, loving mercy, walking humbly with Him; Having a thankful heart and a broken and contrite spirit – but that’s all for another article).
So many people have been hurt or turned off of church by preachers, church leaders, church members or the church as a whole. They often then declare church as flawed and bad. Taking all of these thoughts into consideration, it seems off the mark to tell someone that they need to go to church because the Bible says so and they’re just lazy or bad.
God designed and created church. What he made was good. We, with our human flaws don’t execute the design perfectly. Just look and how broken and split the church is as a whole and compare that to Jesus’ desire that ‘they may all be one.’
Maybe we could “do church” better if we were in the Word more. If a father tries putting a swing set together minus the instructions, the chance of success is not as great. We need to read God’s instruction manual on how to be towards one another.
Conclusion
If you read this and had the reaction, “Yes, we need to make sure and do church correctly and get it all right.” You’ve missed the point. That heads toward the Pharisee’s thought process. We can’t get it all right. God knows that. We can only live in His grace and try to Glorify Him as best we can. Just keep these ideas in mind and when someone seems turned off by church, look deeper.